I'm back & I'm completely stunned as to how many views this blog is still
getting even though I haven't REALLY posted anything daily for 6 years now.
Since you're all still around, let's work on getting NEW daily content once
again. So ... THIS happened:
The main news is that I lost my son to suicide on May 19, 2024. At 10:52p he
sent me an email with a bunch of photos of himself. We had talked about this,
so I didn't think anything of it when I saw the email later that night. I was
watching TV with Pete when the email came in, so I didn't know about it
immediately. Before bed I did a final check of my email for the night & saw
the photos. I thought to myself "oh, cool. He sent the photos finally.' I
saved them to my PC & saved the email to my saved folder. I started getting
ready for bed & shutting everything down for the evening. What I didn't know
was that at 10:53p, 1 minute after my son sent me the photos, he placed a call
to 911 to report a suicide (his own). Dispatch was confused because they
thought someone already had committed suicide. Then they figured out that it
was a threat of suicide, then he admitted that it was him (going to be him).
The dispatcher did everything she could to keep him talking but he knew that
trick & apologized to her repeatedly & said he didn't want to be rude & hang
up on her, but he has to go now. He told her many times "it's ok". Those were
his last words. He hung up & she immediately tried to call him back with no
luck. I'm assuming as soon as he hung up, he pulled the trigger at 10:57p. It
would be an hour & a half later that the police would pull in our driveway to
give us the notification. I have video of this, I had literally JUST gone to
bed. I mean we're talking about 10 seconds. I turned off the final light,
crawled into bed & the dogs went nuts because they saw headlights in the
driveway. I got back up & saw the reflection of headlights on the brush guard
that the County Sheriff SUVs all have & I knew. I knew something was horribly
wrong. I knew my son was suicidal & my daughter also, so I didn't know which
one they were to notify me on, but I had a horrible sinking feeling that it
was one of them. I knew these nice officers didn't stop by for coffee at
12:27a. My dogs were going insane so I ran & got my husband to go outside &
greet the officers because I had to stay inside & keep the dogs from getting
so worked up that they started a fight with each other. After a few minutes my
husband came back inside, slammed the front door & stormed past me. My
notification (from my husband) was nowhere near as nice as the officers give
notifications. My husband was PISSED. Once my husband was inside, I was able
to go outside & get the news again & any details they had, which wasn't much.
They did tell me that he called 911 & was found deceased in his apartment with
a single gunshot wound to the head. He was 27 years old.
The next day my husband & I packed up the dogs into the car & drove 1 hour to
our son's apartment. There was so much blood. I never realized a small body
could leave that much & it was still mostly wet. We got as much as we could as
far as personal belongings. Paperwork, PC, laptop, etc. The next day my
husband rented a truck & went up there to empty the apartment. I stayed here &
watched the dogs & then tried to integrate a full 2 bedroom apartment into our
relatively small house that we already have overfull with 60 years of our own
crap. I also got the 911 audio from his call & it's very hard to listen to
your son when he's that sad & saying "it's ok" to try to ease the weight of
the calltaker because he knows this is a call where she's going to feel as if
she failed because she couldn't save him. I happen to know there is absolutely
nothing she could have said to prevent what happened. I hope she knows that.
Now I've never been really religious but let me tell you, this has made some
significant changes in my life. I went to Catholic church as a teen, I was
told by my grandmother that I was Protestant, & along the way I've just been
wandering without any labelled religion. I know what I belive, but none of the
organized religions seem to match exactly. When I lost my son though, I wanted
to know that he was ok. That he was happy now. That his 14 years of pain &
depression were over. I have been doing a lot of research on NDEs (Near Death
Experiences) & it has brought me a lot of comfort. I searched again for
religion. I know the Catholic church has backed off on that whole 'all
suicides burn in hell for eternity' thing, but it still bothered me so I
backed away from the largest religion. Then I looked into the oldest religion,
Hinduism. I like a lot of it but much of it is confusing because I don't speak
the language & they will tell you over & over that their beliefs absolutely do
not translate well (or at all) into English. I gave up because without
learning a new language, I wasn't going to get much out of it. Not their fault
... I was born & raised in the U.S. & only speak English. So I'm sticking with
my beliefs & leaving them unlabelled. I have a mix of Catholic, Hinduism, &
Wiccan with sprinkles of astrology, biorhythms, & numerology on top. It works
for me & I'm sure there's not a labelled religion out there that matches that.
If you know of one, please let me know. It's not that I need an organized
religion to label myself, but it would be nice to find others who think like I
do. Out of all the people in the world, I can't be the only one with that
specific mix of beliefs.
Now onto what you can expect on this once again daily blog. My main interests
... Astrology, biorhythms, Catholic, crafting, daily life, Kyle, & numerology. I like everything
to be neat & orderly, so they will be arranged in alphabetical order, in
separated paragraphs, so you don't need to read the entire thing if you don't
want to. You can scroll down & easily find what you like.
Astrology (Gemini):
We are lively, energetic, versatile, & intellectual, live primarily in the
mind rather than the emotions, & are extremely adaptable to new situations.
Biorhythm:
- Physical state: Positive
- Emotional state: Negative
- Intellectual state: Positive
- Intuitive state: Negative
Intellectual maximum
The intellectual maximum increases creativity. During this period, the most
difficult problems can be solved with ease. This is a good time for
negotiations, signing contracts, and making decisions of great importance.
Intuitive minimum
The intuitive minimum is characterized by a loss of the sixth sense. Decisions
made intuitively at this time may prove false. There is no inspiration for
creative work.
-
Physical is high at 76%. Tracks strength, endurance, powers and state of
health. Physical fitness, strength, & stamina.
-
Emotional is low at 15%. Tracks the stability & positive energy of psyche &
outlook on life, as well as capacity to empathize with & build rapport with
other people. Mood, emotions, perception and creativity.
-
Intellectual is high at 97%. Representative of intellectual dynamics:
verbal, mathematical, symbolic, & creative abilities, as well as capacity to
apply reason & analysis to the world around you. Thinking, learning, memory,
communication, logic and analytical abilities.
-
Intuitive is low at 3%. Know when you can trust your "sixth sense". The
cycle tracks an unconscious perception and instincts.
Primary overall is high at 63%
-
Wisdom is high today at 56%. Wisdom encompasses your understanding of the
world, your role in it, and the things that are truly important to your
life. This cycle also tracks the presence of mind that you need to make
crucial decisions.
-
Mastery is high at 87%. Mastery encompasses your ability to succeed at tasks
and to obtain what you desire. This cycle also tracks athletic ability and
the focus required to learn physical skills.
-
Passion is low at 46%. Passion encompasses your motivation to act, and the
drive that allows you to continue a difficult pursuit. This cycle also
tracks sexuality in its purest form and affects enthusiasm, stimulus, and
impulsion.
Secondary overall is high at 63%
-
Perception is low at 40%. Physical/Intuition pattern is probably the hardest
of the basic patterns to name. That's probably because Physical and
Intuition are diametrically opposed on the surface. On the contrary, they
are the same as all extremes meet. Physical covers the 5 basic senses that
everyone is aware of and Intuition embodies the ethereal (electromagnetic)
senses that are just beyond the reach of conventional science. Many plants
and animals on this planet have been proven by science to have perceptions
beyond that which most people realize, and untold unsolved crimes have been
solved with the help of Psychics. This pattern was named the PERCEPTION
pattern for obvious reasons.
- Psychic is low at 9%. (ESP, Precognition, Remote Viewing, etc.).
-
Success is mid at 50%. (Business, Financial, Scientific discoveries, etc.).
Extra overall is low at 33%
- Aesthetic is low at 9%. Creativity & creative skills.
- Awareness is low at 47%. Influences confidence and self-awareness.
-
Spiritual is low at 11%. Influences inner stability and attitude and the
perception and personal relationship to what exceeds a person: to God.
I-Ching overall is low at 22%
Catholic (Cross of the day that I like to create on DeviantArt):
Crafting: Right now I'm working on a pair of knitted socks, nothing exciting. I just completed a knit pillow cover for one of our throw pillows for the sofa.
Daily Life: Nothing new happens. I don't leave the house because I have 4 dogs who go insane & if I'm not here to break up a fight over literally anything at the drop of a hat, the littlest one would most likely be killed. Since I love all my dogs, I don't leave. When we had to go to my son's apartment, I took them with us & since they're not used to going out in the car, they were very unhappy. They were shivering & crying the entire time & I felt horrible, but it couldn't be avoided. IF anything exciting (or even remotely different) happens, I'll talk about it here ... but every day is the same. I do the same things, in the same order, every single day. No ... I'm not bored or lonely. I love my life. I love everything about it. Some people love to be outside doing, going, & experiencing ... some love to be inside crafting & watching TV. That would be me. :)
Kyle: What can I say? He's gone & I miss him terribly. I remember in one of the asteroid is going to destroy earth movies, a man was talking about the loss of his wife. He said every marriage has its ups & downs. Good years & bad years. She died on a good year. It was the same way with me & my son. Once he moved out & got away from have me up his nose all day & night & my dogs barking every time he opened his bedroom door, we got along much better. He started calling me almost every day to talk about anything & everything. We had spent so long not getting along while he was living here (as a teen all the way through adulthood ... about 13 years) that I had forgotton how nice it was when we DID get along. The last year with him was very nice. I had a friend in him again. Someone to talk to about ... stuff. We were poliotical opposites but thanks to being on the debate team in high school, he was able to discuss political headlines with me without either of us getting all frustrated & angry. I miss his daily calls. I miss him. I understand WHY he did what he did, but I wish ... he could have found a way ... some way to ease his sadness. I just miss him so much.
Numerology: This also ties in with Astrology in some form. Gemini is the 3rd sign, mutable air, ruling planet is Mercury, Body parts are lungs, arms, & hands, & keywords are versatility, talkativeness, & ingenuity.
